Kinda lame, but jokes nonetheless...

Q: What's the biggest clothing manufacturer in China?
A: Flute of the Room

Q: What do you call a religious convention in Maui?
A: Sects on the Beach

Stock Exchange

I had a stroke of luck on the stock exchange yesterday.....

....I managed to swap three Oxo cubes for a jar of Bovril.

After an exceptionally long night on the piss

I kept going to the shitter at regular intervals the next morning.
My "Richard the Thirds" came out like letters of the alphabet - J, Q, O and U were achieved in the space of a morning.